{ o P e N } going on & on forever and ever...

[» sorrow «]

oceanstar
by the time it was over, he realized it'd never
be the same time would never slow down

Oceanstar padded slowly into camp with a vole and rabbit hanging limply from his jaws. Stopping at the entrance to camp, he scoped out the clearing. A few cats were laying around lazily. He sighed, for there was much too many apprentices and only few warriors. Warriors were greatly needed at this time. One could never truly know if they were about to be attacked or not by another Clan. Hopefully not, Oceanstar thought sickly. That would be a disaster. I doubt any of these apprentices are properly, fully trained. Not that it's their fault, though. He sighed, and dropped his prey into the fresh-kill pile and then went into his den to take a nap.

Getting some time for himself, a nap, was very unsuccessful. His stomach rumbled; and he just couldn't close his eyes. So Oceanstar went out to get some fresh-kill, to find that the pile was almost empty. Before it truly was and could be, the calico tom picked out a quite plump-looking vole, but it wasn't the one he had caught earlier. This one was much fatter. After walking several tail-lengths away, Oceanstar flopped himself down onto the hard ground. This didn't really bother him, for he was in a bright patch of sun. The tom dug into his vole greedily. Boy, was he hungry! Within only a few minutes, the vole was gone. However, he was still hungry, so he picked out a small mouse from the pile. Oceanstar scarfed it down once again in little time.

Now that he was full, he found himself extremely tired. His eyelids drooped, and his tail sagged to the ground. Before Oceanstar could go to his den to sleep, he fell asleep in a patch of sunlight, only a couple pawsteps from where he had recently eaten his meal.

Oceanstar was running through the forest, the bark was tinged red with leaves and green with soft moss. The leaves fell from the trees, but in their place, more leaves grew quickly. It took only a couple of minutes for them to be replaced. Always never ending. He himself seemed to be going on forever and ever. Somehow, Oceanstar was not getting physically tired, but the landscape was always the same. This was going on forever and ever, what was wrong with this place? Oceanstar did not want to live in a place that was always the same. It was too... odd, and he just didn't like it. Already he was getting tired of this, and he had only been here for a couple of minutes. Oceanstar was very deep in though. So deep that he didn't realize until it was too late, the landscape changed to a rocky field... and he ran straight off a cliff.

Oceanstar woke up, gasping. Or maybe panting is the better word. Maybe he had too much fresh kill, or possibly he was just tired with his routine always being the same. That was probably why he had that dream ending so... oddly. He closed his eyes, and sat up. After a couple of minutes, Oceanstar opened them again and studied the sky. It was already dawn, but just barely. The sky was painted a beautiful pink, tinged with purple, orange, and a very small tint of red. The colors faded into the regular skies of blue, while as of now, there was absolutely no clouds, but that could easily change throughout the day.

He sighed, "Such a beautiful day already..." Oceanstar blinked several times slowly.



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[⋆ -- fALLEN __ [s t a r]]

the tom breathed in deeply, molten pools of sapphire glowing brightly under the sunlight. his chests heaved with effort as he slid across the ground, claws unsheathed into the soft surface to stop his rapid movements, and cheeks flushed, he took a deep breathe again. tensing his shoulder, the tom bundled the strength beneath his legs and prepared to spring. he jumped, twisting in the air in smooth and graceful movement -- as if perfected to an art. swiftly, he swiped at the open air as if someone - or something was there - but so suddenly, he stumbled and was awkwardly flying through the air, until he fell to the ground with large thud!.

groaning softly, the tom raised himself to his paws - more of a stumble actually - and took another deep breath. he closed his eyes, trying to ease his beating heart, and almost immediately a picture of a pretty silver she-cat invaded his memory, making his face redden even beneath the determined flush. he blinked hard as he opened his eyes, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

As he made his way back to camp - deciding that it was already late enough and that his mentor might be looking for him - the wind whistled around him, shaking his honey-touched pelt, and the tom twitched his ears thoughtfully, listening. The young tom was not sure if he would call this a talent - or perhaps it was own crazy imagination - but Airpaw was quite skilled at understanding the words of the winds -- except, really, he didn't think they were so quiet, or quiet at all in fact. They were actually quite obtrusive and loud, those signs, blowing in his face and wisping around his neck that he occasionally swiped at them in the air, hoping that they would just shut up. They never did, of course.

However, this time, instead of wishing that he could block their words of wisdom out, he wished they would come flooding in. These past few days he had not had pleasant dreams, of that he was utterly sure but he still could not make out what they were about. He glanced up again at the blue sky and its swirling clouds and once again wondered what type of night it would be like tonight.

As he strolled back to camp, these thoughts pressed against his mind and he bit his lip, wondering quite feverish what would happen today -- if he would learn anything new and if he would fail at them like he did everything else. The sun gleamed against his pale coat and when he padded into the clearing he noticed, wincing against the sunlight, the slender form of their leader, Oceanstar.

.. is he.. okay?! his first thoughts were screaming in his head and without really thinking, he scrambled up to his leader, eyes panicked. He looked... troubled? The older tom before him was panting feverishly, mirroring what Airpaw constantly looked like every morning, with all the nightmares that bombarded against his mind. "... a-are you okay?" he spluttered, then immediately reddened and lowered his head. he should not speaking like this to their leader, as if it was Rainpaw or someone familiar.

The tom shuffled his paws uncomfortably, still waiting for an answer.

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[!! FLI]

She was one cat who could definitely smile. When she did, it was an expression that lit up her entire body, not just her face. Her dark brown eyes seemed to sparkle as her tail flicked with joyful happiness and her paws quivered lightly. Her shoulders rolled back, rising and falling in a laugh. Her mouth hung open, lips drawn back to display her sharp white teeth. Her laugh wasn't the sort that sounded like softly chiming bells, more so a sound that was cute and awkward, but made people smile and the sheer sweetness of it. Her smile could sometimes bring little grins to those around her, or at least get an amused whisker twitch.

That is, when she was smiling. Because it was quite often that she wasn't. Instead of smiling, she's frown softly or give an exaggerated sigh, rolling her dark gaze. Rainpaw's moods seemed to sway as the wind did. One moment she was relaxed and calm, the next angry and annoyed. Lucky for most, these drastic mood-swings happened mostly when she was alone. And she was good at hiding it around others.

It was rarely displeasure in others that caused her sudden U-turns. In fact, she was quite often thoroughly annoyed or angry at herself. When her emotions turned back to rainbows and sunshine, it was often because there was someone else around to take her mind off her own imperfections. And, certainly as she saw it, Rainpaw had a lot of imperfections. She hated how short her legs were and despised her stubby claws. She could never get over how plain she always looked, especially next to her stunning best friend Airpaw. Her brown eyes would never captivate like brilliant blue or green eyes. And her tail was short so she'd never beat even a TrunkClan cat at climbing.

But it seemed whenever Rainpaw was down, there was at least one other cat around to bring her back up. Airpaw seemed to rarely leave her side, StarClan bless him. She doubted he knew what he was coming to mean to her, but that didn't matter so much as training with him and watching smiles light up his face and blue eyes. His life had been equally as trying as her own, although Rainpaw felt his was surely far more difficult.

There was very little of this Rainpaw actually acknowledged. She was yet too young to be pondering the oddities of her own personality and far too oblivious to notice how Airpaw could always make her smile.

At present, she was far from contemplating any of it. Although she did seem to be making a number of emotional U-turns.

Rainpaw waved her little tail in the air, swaying her rear playfully with it. She narrowed her eyes slightly, a small smile playing across her face. This was it. She was going to get it right this time. In a sudden pulse of pressure and movement, she shot forward, body launching from the ground. Her claws were extended at once. Small, gray-brown paws caught on to her target, and, for a split second, a feeling of triumph lit up her body.

But then gravity struck in. Her paws hit the ground with more force than she'd predicted. It sent a shock running through her, and Rainpaw's feet fell out from under her. She rolled once, twice, then fell still. Lifting her head, the small tabby apprentice coughed some dust out of her nose. Her tail flicked in sudden anger, and she narrowed her eyes. Her moss-ball target lay a fox-length away, relatively unharmed.

Patience suddenly running short, Rainpaw rolled to her paws and pranced back in the direction of RootClan's camp with her ears drawn backwards towards her skull. As soon as her little paws entered the camp itself, however, her mahogany eyes landed on a pale-furred little tom. Flame accented his face, ice coloring his gaze. His name truly suited him.

Oh, no! she thought to herslef. The evil rogue Foulair is attacking Oceanstar! It was amazing how young she still acted at heart. Once again, she fell down into a clumsy crouch and crept forward as quietly as she could (which wasn't very quiet at all). When she got close, she seemed to suddenly loose interest in hunting her friend and stood up again, touching her tail against him as she stepped up next to him. "Whatcha doin'? Is Oceanstar taking you hunting?" The excitement in her eyes showed she had already decided that was what the two toms were doing. She was glancing quickly between the two blue-eyed toms, silently begging them to ask her to join them.

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^{the story goes
what's left behind
shivers like a leaf
tossed and turned and gentle
it's not hard to believe
the girlshapedlovedrug messes with my mind}

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[» sorrow «]

OCEANSTAR
living in the shadow
of someone else's dream

Oceanstar was aware of a presence, before it reached him. It was probably an apprentice out in the forest, hunting or something else like that. He scented the air, realizing the scent belonged to Airpaw. So he was the one in the forest?

Well, I'm glad that someone cares about their abilities. Oceanstar thought, smiling. Then his mind filled with amusement when he heard a loud thud, or he expected it was- the distance between Airpaw and himself made the thud much quieter. Pawsteps, louder and louder by the second told Oceanstar that Airpaw was coming back to camp. He was still panting, for everything that had just happened- or that he had though- was actually fairly quick. Recently, everything seemed to go by in a haze- quick and forgettable. Or unforgettable.

"...a-are you okay?" While Oceanstar was pondering, he hadn't even noticed Airpaw approach him. His voice seemed to be nervous and some hesitation. Oceanstar blinked, wondering what ever made Airpaw ask that. Then he realized that Airpaw probably saw him panting. "Oh, of course, Airpaw. I'm perfectly fine." His eyes closed for a couple of seconds, and his recent dream flashed before his eyes. He continued to think that he was just tired of his regular ways. Maybe he could change his usual routine today. Oceanstar re-opened his eyes and smiled at Airpaw. "Sorry to worry you."

After he said that, Oceanstar realized that Rainpaw was entering camp. He expected that any other apprentices were either in their dens or out with their mentors. Then he smiled to himself, seeing from the corner of his eye that Rainpaw was stalking Airpaw- probably imagining her own fantasy. I used to be like that... then I became a warrior. Oceanstar sighed, remembering his days as a warrior, before he knew he was infertile.

His expression changed, to one of worry. Then he glanced at the camp's entrance, as if he was just expecting an enemy clan to burst it. Why couldn't RootClan have more warriors? Some of the apprentices didn't even have a mentor! RootClan needed warriors badly, for those two reasons.

The leader's lips quivered, recalling the time when he realized that he was infertile- but he shook the though away, and smiled at Rainpaw when she just gave up on stalking Airpaw. "Whatcha doin'? Is Oceanstar taking you hunting?" Oceanstar glanced at Airpaw, then back at Rainpaw. He saw the excitment in her eyes, that showed she really wanted to go. Hey, why not? I could see how these apprentices are doing- Oceanstar looked back at the two apprentices, next to each other. and we all could use it..

"Would you like to, Rainpaw? Her answer would most likely be a yes, but he had to wonder about Airpaw. "What about you, Airpaw? I'm sure we could all go, there's enough warriors in camp." Oceanstar questioned, but also lied. There probably wasn't enough warriors in camp. So he'd have to stay close, if they would all really like to go hunting. Or at least try.
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[⋆ -- fALLEN __ [s t a r]]

time passed slowly in those moments, as if he were not just waiting for an answer but running through a barrel of thick molasses while chasing someone - rainpaw, maybe, his sister, or maybe someone else all together - and not being able to catch that person, no matter how long and far you had your arms stretched out. as the honey-hued tom licked his lips nervously, he wondered why he felt like that so much -- as if everything he ever wanted was constantly slipping out of his grasp.

sighing softly under his breath, airpaw shifted his paws and glanced at oceanstar again, only to look away quickly -- to look your leader in the eye, as if demanding an answer (although, he was waiting for one) was not something he liked to be find doing, evident in the soft blush that spread prettily across his sun-touched features.

still looking away, suddenly aware that the unseen emotion that had flickered across his eyelids moments before seemed to turn into a prickling sensation that burned his insides -- he couldn't pinpoint what it was, but he knew it was bad. the young tom glanced at oceanstar - the much older tom, who despite statuses, was so much like himself (he was softhearted, different, and warm; characteristics that airpaw had once thought should not exist in a leader until, well, oceanstar stepped up) - and pressed his lips together anxiously. would he get in trouble..?

and suddenly, oceanstar's calm and somewhat (airpaw always imagined) bemused voice reached his hears and the relief that soon consumed felt like a huge weight being lifted off his heart. the young tom did not like being reprimanded - perhaps because it always seemed that past wounds were being torn open, salt rubbing against flesh - and to be reprimanded by the leader of all cats would bring forth an embarrassment and shame that the young honey-hued apprentice did not think he could survive in this place and time.

so, blue eyes sparkling with that familiar warmth that looked as if they had been gifts from starclan themselves, airpaw laughed nervously and grinned wildly at his leader. he held back a sigh of relief - only for the fact that it would make him look strange - and despite the fact that troubles had already passed, the young tom could not help but wonder what the apprehension was that tugged at his heart, bothering him like a thorn in his pad.

he was so lost in his thoughts, his jaw set in quiet determination and his brows furrowed together in the cute way that airpaw did - or maybe didn't, since his expressions (more open than any other cat) were involuntarily - that he did not notice rainpaw come up behind him. so, when she did and touched her tail to his shoulder, the young tom felt as if he should jump five feet in the air and let out an utterly girlish scream that would, no doubt, not make him able to look his best friend in the eye until they were well on their way to warriors -- which they were nothing close to.

however, because he was a tom and not a she-cat (even if some cats might argue differently, the tom simply stood shock-shelled as she came forth, his limbs locked together in quiet confusion that crashed into utter surprise and finally dimmed to a jolting curiosity that caused him to swivel his head wildly about until his shocking blue eyes came in contact with rainpaw's soft features. he blinked rapidly for a moment before his lips twitched into a crooked smile, his eyes twinkling.

hearing rainpaw's request, his face split into a half-awkard, half-nervous expression and airpaw whipped his head around to watch oceanstar, wondering what he would say to rainpaw. much to the sun-kissed tom's surprise and utter delight, oceanstar seemed to agree in-part to the notion, even if worry was etched in every line of his aging face. airpaw had, from the start, suspected that oceanstar was hiding something - but what good leader didn't? - but the tom wasn't bothered by it.

in fact, he was completly euphoric. hunting! with the leader! his head spun and he had to lean against rainpaw, as he always did, again. the tom gazed at his best friend, his smile wide and eyes bright just for her, and rewarded her with a friendly purr. then he turned to their leader and in response to the question, simply laughed -- his laugh was bright and silver and pure; it was something that some cats might die unhappy not being able to hear. "yeah! let's go - !"

he started off, the excitement that rang in his voice mirroring his silver-furred friend, and then he cut himself off, biting his lip. looking at his paws, the tom amended, ".. I-I mean, if that's okay Oceanstar."
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[!! FLI]

Her laugh burst forth from her before she could stop herself. The tiny gray tabby let out a sound that rang about the camp, echoing back at them and probably frightening nearby prey.

There was something about him. That flame-masked tom always seemed to hold the power to make her laugh, smile, glow. Whenever she was down, she had only to glance in his direction before her heart began to lighten. Perhaps it was the thought that his life had been utter hell as well; that at least someone had it as bad as she did. But, more than that, perhaps it was the fact that Airpaw still smiled and kept going even after his life had fallen apart around him.

He's the best friend a cat could have, she told herself as her light laughter faded into a small grin.

She turned her eyes back to the leader, a crimson flush suddenly rising quickly over her face. Woops, had she really done that in front of RootClan's beloved and respected leader? Her dark brown eyes dropped sheepishly, and the young apprentice muttered an apology. Her gaze rose briefly to flicker between the two toms. She had to admit, she would have suspected the great leader to be Airpaw's father if she hadn't seen the apprentice's sire previously. They both had strikingly blue eyes [although Oceanstar's were several shades darker than Airpaw's], both had pale-tinted fur, and their personalities were almost interchangeable. A strange sense of pride rose in her chest, and she slowly lifted her gaze so that it would meet Oceanstar's once again. Airpaw'll be just like Oceanstar someday. And I'll have stood beside him watching the whole thing!

She had never expected the patched leader to agree to her flimsy inquiry. Her eyes lit up and her jaw dropped lightly. "R-really, Oceanstar? You mean it?" She grinned again, flashing a glance at her denmate and best friend. Perhaps this day had some worth after all. She pulled herself to her short legs, glancing once more between the two toms with a look of heartfelt eagerness. "Where shall we go? Anywhere you want, Oceanstar," she added in excited respect.

think / "talk"

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^{Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget}

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